Blue Christmas

This Christmas is so bleak for me...probably because i am alone bearing the burden on my shoulders. Well, i guess it's also my fault since i don't open up to my husband..but why should i, he couldn't help me anyway..so i think. This year has been an extremes of financial security for me. Ever since I took Papa in the house together with my nephew and niece, money has come to me in lumps and goes out in pieces ( so to speak)... Now that papa is gone, i am left to taking care of my brother's children and it has been a burden for me because i have to spend for my family as well as for them. i cannot sacrifice my family so i have to look for other means to fill our financial needs without burdening my husband. My husband, on the other hand has been spending so much on his toy (his old model Lancer). I just ignore his practice so that he will ignore me spending for my brother's children. that's the idea.
However, now that cash flow has been nonstop and that i am in financial crisis, i couldn't run to him for help because i know he is also spending for the rent, the bills, and the car.
I still have to settle some outstanding debts brought about by my helping my brother and his family. how long shall i suffer them, Lord! please Help me.